A long time ago in a blogosphere far, far away, a fellow named Judson Heartsill offered the following toast at the Boar's Head Tavern. That post has been lost to the electronic aether, but I'm glad I archived it for safe keeping. I present to you "A Toast to the Low-Minded Christian":
I'm talking about the low-minded Christian.
Everybody knows one. Or two.
They send you chain blessing emails. (Send this back to me and 5 other people, or you're a mean pud who doesn't like God). They send you emails PURPORTEDLY by Andy Rooney about how there's pictures of the 10 commandments everywhere in Washington D.C. on buildings.
They probably believe the earth is 6,000 years old.
They're Christians primarily because they don't want to go to hell.
They want to go to heaven primarily to see their grandma.
They watch some TBN occasionally.
They gave you a copy of "The Purpose Driven Life".
They're threatening to give you a copy of "Your Best Life Now".
If they even know what apologetics is, they probably think it's demeaning to Christians.
They read certain portions of Ephesians and tell you "now, I just can't believe that Paul really means what he's saying here, on election."
Know the type?
Here's some other facts about some of them.
They believe Jesus Christ rose from the dead– something only God could have revealed to them.
They watch their tongues.
Singing hymns or praise songs makes their heart leap upwards.
They read their bible every morning at 5:00 AM.
God is using them, right now, to make his will be done on earth.
God bless them.
High-minded Christian: You know a lot. Are you putting all that knowledge to use to serve your Master and your fellow slaves? Or are you using it to stoke your ego? It pleases God to use the weak. Just how weak are you? As weak as your low-minded brethren? I sure hope so.
I loved that piece then, and I love it now. I also need it, as a reminder and rebuke of my frequent cooler-than-thou-ness.
I remember back when some church produced a video that went viral pitting "authentic Christ-followers" against nerdy "Christians." The message was as clear as it was simplistic and stupid: "real" disciples of Jesus wear jeans and listen to U2. The kind of Christians we should distance ourselves from are those who wear ties and listen to CCM.
This pitting of "real" against "lame" ones is spiritually bankrupt dreck from the pit of hell. Really what most mean by "authentic" in these contexts is "cool." And the entire enterprise of mocking the uncool Christians is a huge self-justification project. It is a smug fetishizing of cynicism and hipness that is idolatry.
It is reverse pharisaism. It is, "I thank you, God, that I'm not like that lame, religious guy over there," which is anti-grace, anti-gospel, and anti-christ.
A good number of Christian culture's self-appointed Statlers and Waldorfs have effectively answered the question "Am I my brother's keeper?" (Gen. 4:9) with "I have no need of you" (1 Cor. 12:21). But anyone who identifies with the way of Christ ought to have nothing but love for all the saints (John 13:35), even the dorky ones.
Look, it's possible Jesus needs new PR, but I seriously doubt those who've accepted Jesus in their snark are the ones who should be providing it.
So, here's to you, cheesy, kitschy Christians! You are the real deal.
