Today's Devotions

Showcase: Forgiveness

  • Total Forgiveness, RT Kendall +

    This was a valuable resource for me in a time of hurt from a brother in Christ. I could not Read More
  • Forgiveness: Desmond Tutu +

    Nobel Peace Prize Winner Desmond Tutu explains how love and forgiveness kept post-apartheid South Africa from tumbling into anarchy. Read More
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

carl-medearisIf you know me, you'll know that making and keeping good friends is a top priority in how we do life.  However, I've noticed something slightly alarming here in the States since we've been back from our 12 years in the Middle East.  Many people are not good and making friends. So, how do you make a friend?

First, some misconceptions about friendship.

1. Friends don't just appear. You don't "just have" friends.
2.  Friends take work. They don't come easy.
3.  A good friendship always goes two ways.

So...how do I make and keep friends?

(First, a disclaimer. I've done all the things that a bad friend does. I've used and abused friendships. I've ignored them. I've hurt and offended them. So don't think that I think I'm a perfect friend. It's from my mistakes mostly, that I speak).

1.  Initiate. It all starts with this. Don't wait. If you see someone you might want to hang out with - call them. Go over. Show up.  Chris and I did this with a couple when we first moved to Lebanon. And they lived in Damascus. But we drove across the border and showed up at their house. We became best friends and they ended up moving to Beirut.

2. Keep initiating if you like them. Don't be a pest.  Don't bother them. And I know it's a fine line, but just keep pursuing the friendship. Don't give up until you can clearly see they don't want your friendship.  (And sometimes that's the case - but rarely).

3. Build.  Just like building anything. You have to think about it. Strategize. Take one step at a time.  Ask more questions about them and their life then you say about your own life.  Two things happens when you ask them lots of questions: you get to know them and they like you. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. We all want to be known. So ask questions. They will get around to asking you eventually....but don't worry about that. Just get to know them.
4. Push them. Gently take them out of their comfort zone. If all they like to do is watch sports on the weekend, start by GOING to a sporting event. Then take them hiking. Then camping. Then backpacking. And then climb the Himalayas.   People don't always know it, but they like to be challenged.
5.  Nurture and serve.  What does your friend need?  Help them find it. God?  Fun?  Another friend?  Getting in shape and eating healthy? Whatever THEY need, figure it out and help them get it.  Serve them.  Love them. Be there for them and take care of them.

Bottom line is this - if you want a friend - be a friend. The whole world needs a friend, so you should have lots of them!

(I originally wanted to write this to our three kids - and by "kids" I mean young adults - but it was too good to keep just for them).


Reflections to Consider

  • 1

Publications

  • 1

Music

  • 1

Audio & Video

  • 1

Favorites

  • Prayer by Alex Kirk, Chatham Community Church +

    What role does prayer play in our lives? What is prayer, anyway? Alex Kirk, pastor of Chatham Community Church, gives Read More
  • How to be Mary in a Martha world by Jim Abrahamson, Chatham Community Church +

    Jim Abrahamson spoke at Chatham Community Church on an essential of the Christian walk Who/what is our savior? What is Read More
  • Christ the King Sunday by Art Going (Holy Trinity Chatham) +

    A thoughtful discussion of how we function as colonizers for Christ the King.  Read More
  • MY STUPID MOUTH by Steve Tamayo of Chatham Community Church +

    Tremendous sermon on the liabilities of our tongue, both in what we say and don't say. Read More
  • 1

Hidden Blessings

  • My Soul Cries Out in Worship +

    Over the past ten years, Vicki Yohe has written some of the most popular songs sung in churches. This song Read More
  • Worship Matters: A blog by Bob Kauflin +

    Worship Matters is a blog by Bob Kauflin. Good, inspired food for one's soul. http://www.worshipmatters.com/ Read More
  • Worship Wars in Bethany +

    Jim Abrahamson preached on the worship wars in Bethany in 2003.http://sermons.biblechurch.org/2003_08_03.final.mp3 Read More
  • The Greatest Treasure Remains: Come, Now is the Time for Worship +

    Come, now is the time to worship Read More
  • 1